Fall Bucket List

Oh hey there

 

I think I mentioned earlier in this blog that for the past couple years I have been doing seasonal bucket lists with my best friend Andrea. It’s by no means a strict list but more so just a guide line for what we want to get done during the season. Since Fall is both of our favourite seasons, we definitely are hype for this years list.

On one of our thrifting excursions, we found a copy of The Year of Cozy by Adrianna Adarme and we were super excited to incorporate some of those seasonal things into this list! The titles of the tasks might be a bit vague, but I’ll update them once each one is complete!

  • Homemade Chicken Wings
  • Wine & Paint Night
  • Go on a hike*       * or a short horizontal jaunt
  • Go apple picking
  • BAKE SOMETHING!  I baked Pumpkin Snickerdoodles, and Banana Bread and a Smores Pie!
  • Make Butternut Squash Soup!
  • Red Lobster
  • Crochet scarves and things! (ongoing)
  • Fall (HOME) Spa Day
  • Christmas planning
  • Halloween movies (Hallmark ones more specifically)

I’m going to try to plan some corresponding blog posts for every time we cross an item off the list. My prediction is that we are going to be trying to get at least a couple done each time we see each other since she recently moved a bit further away and we might not get to see each other as often as usual. Once I have the corresponding post for each task up, I will link it here so that it’s easier to find!

If you have any other cute suggestions for our Fall Bucket List, please leave them in the comments below!

mazie bones

Be Fearlessly Authentic

Oh hey there

Today I want to talk about something I’ve been thinking and reflecting on a lot lately. I, unfortunately, can’t remember the exact situation that got me thinking about it but I want to talk about authenticity. Not in any specific capacity, like in regards to social media, or online personas, though I do think those things are important and I will touch on that, but more so just being your authentic self and focusing on what makes you feel the most you.

Being authentic boils down to knowing who you are, knowing what makes you unique, and not ditching those things just because they might make you different.

I’ve been challenging myself to stay mindful about being authentic on all fronts. For me authenticity means:

  • being up front with myself and with others about what I like and don’t like.
  • asking myself “is that something I really want to do?”
  • not modifying myself to be loved or accepted by others.
  • not editing my life in a way to make myself seem perfect.
  • saying no whenever I god damn feel like it. (+5 points for feeling this sassy!)

I have been listening to all kinds of podcasts and e-books about well being and personal development lately, and one thing that they all have in common is that they all say you need to embrace your true self in order to be truly happy. The number of people I’ve heard talk about how much time they wasted trying to be something they weren’t was so insane, and it kind of shocked me into obsessing about being authentic and whether or not I was wasting my time trying to be someone I’m not.

When it comes to social media or just my online persona, I find that I constantly struggle with this internal conflict or belief that people deserve to know what I’m doing all the time, even when I really don’t feel like sharing something. That can easily be taken in a very conceited way, but I assure you that’s not what I mean. I don’t mean that people want to know what I’m up to, just that I feel like I owe everyone something…for some reason. Maybe that’s just my personality type? Maybe I should look up what my personality type is? (< true revelation just happened right there, actually though, I wrote it down in my BUJO! It’s a thing now!) 

So I’ve got a little bit of a plan aside from the list of things above, that is hopefully going to help me be more authentic, help me give less of a fox (see what I did there!? Am I allowed to swear here?), and hopefully help me kick these expectations of perfection when it comes to how I appear to other people.

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A while back when that Sarahahahaha.com site was a thing, someone left this comment on my page and it kind of just made me laugh because I really don’t feel that way at all. It may look perfect online because I don’t post the bad parts but my life is most definitely not perfect. Maybe this is what sparked this post topic…. I don’t know. Anyways, I hope that this post wasn’t too rambly or weird. But then again, I’m trying not to care too much about that!

Let me know if you struggle with these kinds of things or feel like you could be a little more authentic too, so I know I’m not alone!

Thanks for reading,

mazie bones

Grievances

Oh hey there

I have never been good at coping with death or losing people who I care about. I mean, obviously I know that death is easy for no one and that everyone grieves, but I guess some people just deal better than others. Whether it’s a matter of just not having the emotions to express your feelings, or just being desensitized due to past experiences, it’s a known fact that everyone grieves differently. In my experience, I can go one of two ways. I am either the calm, consoling type, that grieves while making sure the people around me are okay, or I completely shut down. The ultimate reason I have decided to post this here is because I don’t know exactly how to explain how I feel after the recent death of a close friend.

It’s not common for me to talk about those that I have lost in this way, I’d say I’m a pretty private griever, but due to a recent event, and the fact that my new counsellor thinks its best for me to use my writing as an outlet for this kind of thing, here I am and here are some statistics: In my 24 years of life I have lost two family members and five friends, three of which were extremely close. In this post I am going to be talking about two of the people I have lost, for a few different reasons.

Though all of these losses were difficult, I had by far the hardest time (up until now) coping with the death of my friend from high school, who passed way too soon from cancer in his liver. I still remember that morning at 6am when my mom called me while I was living in London, to let me know that he had passed, before I went online to be shocked by all of the posts. I remember sobbing, which was never a first reaction that I ever had in this kind of situation, and then I remember staying curled up in my bed re-watching all of the movies he had filmed over and over, re-watching all of the clips from drama class, or our school plays. I spent the day looking through photos him and I had shared and I just wept and wept. I hadn’t known him for as long as I have known some of the other people I have lost in life, but it was my first true loss as an adult, where I could distinctly see and understand my stages of grieving…or at least I thought I understood.

This past weekend I lost one of the most genuine people I have ever known. He was one of the first friends that I can recall, one of the first people I can remember playing with as a kid, and one of the only kids who stood up for me when I was too shy to. Actually just last year I found a messily written secret note that he must have written in grade 1 or 2,  reassuring me that “maysie iz a nice nAme.” He always hated that the kids in our class made fun of my name, and he was super vocal about it. It was the first time someone defended me, and I remember it so vividly. Growing up, we were simply inseparable, be it Kindergarten to grade 6, or even just kinder karate, our parents had to break us up so often. Our families were always that close though, I’m almost positive that he was one of the first non-related kids I ever met, I think around age 2 or 3. Our families were so tight that we always ended up going to each other’s big family christmas parties, where we would hide out and play pool, or video games because the adults were so boring. I look back now and I cannot think of one single bad or negative experience that I ever had with him. Actually, that’s not true, I totally can! We were in a self-defence karate class, we had to have been 5 or 6 and we were paired up and he accidentally punched me in the chin (not even that hard) but I remember him crying way more than I did.

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Even though we and our families drifted apart with time after we moved away to another town, in passing at shows or events we were always able to pick up right where we left off. Looking back now, I really wish I had of made more time to come out to visit and catch up with him. It’s still unclear what exactly happened to him, but from the sounds of things, it seems like he could have used someone to talk to, and that is what breaks my heart the most.

Cody, you had this way of brightening any room you walked into. You could make anyone and everyone feel welcomed and safe, and you could make anyone (no exceptions) laugh.

Without a doubt, Hamilton is going to be a lot duller without you there to brighten it up!

                    cody2 cody

There is so much more that I want to say, that I need to say, but every word that I type breaks my heart a little more. I have quite a few posts written and saved so that I can start releasing content on a more regular basis, but I’m not sure when that will be starting now.

Rest in Paradise Cody Gillespie

Love always, maysie.
mazie bones

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